Editing for Emotional Impact: Amplify emotion in your fiction without overwriting or underwriting
- Fiction Yogi
- Jul 22
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 27
In this article we'll consider:
How to spot overwriting & underwriting
Using sensory details to mirror emotions
Leveraging pace to control intensity
Focusing on subtext, not summary
Describing emotional triggers instead of labels
Using emotional echoes
Catching forced emotion in dialogue
Letting silence do the heavy lifting
There are many reasons a book might leave a lasting impression. Perhaps it was the characters who spoke to you, a unique and gripping storyline, or a narrative voice so captivating it stayed with you long after the final page. But in essence, what really happened is the story moved you, on some level, emotionally.
Emotional resonance is what transforms a good story into an unforgettable one.
But here’s the catch: many writers, especially during the revision stages, struggle to capitalize on the emotional impact of their story without slipping into overwriting or underwriting—that is, using melodrama, flat description, or more telling than showing.
In this post, we’ll explore practical, craft-focused techniques to help you amplify emotion effectively, so your readers can feel deeply connected to your story.
Spotting overwriting & underwriting
Before we dive into how to spot overwriting or underwriting in your manuscript, this is your reminder that here we're talking about the editing stages and not your first draft. If you're able to bear these things in mind on a first draft—great; but it's not essential. It's more important that you get the bones of the story down in draft one, then you can rework these details in subsequent drafts and editing. So...
Overwriting is when prose becomes bloated with unnecessary emotion, description, or intensity. Whereas, underwriting is when our narrative fails to deliver the emotional impact we want it to have.
This may present as:
Redundant emotional cues ("She cried tears of sorrow, devastated by the heartbreak that shattered her soul.")
Repetitive internal monologue; or, action, internal monologue, or dialogue that repeats what's already been said ("Jane had never felt at ease in his company. 'Why do you have to make me feel so awkward?' she asked him.")
Overuse of adverbs or emotionally loaded adjectives
Forced or clichéd similes or metaphors
Both overwriting and underwriting flatten the emotional impact we want to create by telling readers how to feel instead of inviting them to feel.
Editing goal: To evoke emotion, not impose it.
1. Use sensory details that mirror the emotion
Instead of directly naming the emotion (“She felt anxious”), ground the reader in the character’s experience. For example:
Telling: “Mia felt anxious as she walked into the interview room.”
Showing: “Mia’s palms stuck to the leather folder. Fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, too bright, too loud. The closed windows allowed for no air in the cramped office space.”
Edit tip: During revision, isolate emotional moments and look for opportunities to replace abstract emotion words with concrete, visceral sensations. Anchor feeling in the body and environment.
2. Leverage pacing to control emotional intensity
Emotion isn’t just in the words—it’s in how fast or slow they land.
Technique:
Use short, fragmented sentences for tension, panic, or surprise. For example, “He wasn’t breathing. She counted. Once. Twice. Then— A cough. A cry. He lived.”
Use longer, more lyrical sentences for sorrow, nostalgia, or reflection. For example, "As she stood at the edge of her childhood garden, where the ivy had long since claimed the path and the wind still carried the scent of summers long past, she wondered—not for the first time—whether the girl she used to be would even recognize the woman she had become."
Edit tip: During editing, check scene pacing against emotional intent. Does your sentence rhythm match what the character feels in that moment?
3. Focus on subtext, not summary
There's a place for using summary in your fiction (see: Tell, Don't Show: When to summarize in your fiction narrative). But strong emotion often hides under the surface—so in those high-emotion moments, resist the urge to explain everything your character is feeling. Instead, create space for reader inference.
Overwriting:
“He was furious. His blood boiled with rage, and he screamed at the top of his lungs.”
Subtext:
“He stared at the broken plate for a long time before picking up another and smashing that one, too.”
Edit tip: During your emotional scenes, ask: Can I say less here and still have the reader feel more? (See also Subtext in Fiction: 6 ways to hint at what's below the surface.)
4. Replace emotional labels with emotional triggers
In a similar vein, instead of writing the feeling—write what causes it.
Weak:
“He felt sad looking at the empty room.”
Strong:
“The twin beds were gone. The Star Wars poster, too. Just pale marks on the carpet and on the wall remained where they’d been.”
Edit tip: Replace emotion words like sad, scared, happy, angry with sensory images and memories that cause those feelings.
5. Use emotional echoes—but sparingly
Subtly echo powerful emotional moments later in your story to reinforce them—just be careful not to hammer the same emotion repeatedly.
For example:
In Chapter 3, a child leaves a stuffed rabbit behind in a moment of trauma. In Chapter 22, the character quietly places that same rabbit on someone’s grave.
Edit tip: During your editing passes, scan for early emotional moments that could have quiet reverberations later in the narrative. (See also: How to Use Echoes in Fiction Writing: Narrative techniques for depth & emotional impact.)
6. Beware of forced emotion in dialogue
Dialogue is one of the most common places for emotional overkill—characters yelling, sobbing, declaring their feelings like soap opera stars. In reality, most dialogue is veiled by reinforced defence mechanisms caused by past hurts, fear of vulnerability, and conditioning.
Forced:
“I can’t live without you, Jeremy! You’re everything to me!”
Natural:
“You left. And I kept checking the door like an idiot.”
Edit tip: Read dramatic dialogue aloud. If it sounds like a movie monologue rather than something a real person might say when vulnerable, pull it back. (See also Dialogue in Fiction: Mastering the art of conversation.)
7. Let silence do the heavy lifting
Sometimes the most powerful emotional moments come when nothing is said at all.
For example:
“He opened his mouth to say something. Closed it. Walked out.”
Edit tip: In revision, experiment with removing lines of dialogue or internal narration and see if the emotion still holds or gets stronger. (See also Silence & Stillness in Storytelling.)
✍️ Not sure if your story is on the right track?
A First 10k Words Critique is an affordable way to get big-picture feedback on your opening chapters. Perfect for spotting weaknesses early, before you write (or edit) the whole book.
Finally...
Less telling, more trust.
Editing for emotion is about trusting your reader. You’re not writing a user manual for feelings—you’re crafting an emotional experience. Through sensory detail, subtext, pacing, and restraint, you can edit your manuscript to make your characters’ emotional arcs visceral and honest—without resorting to melodrama or purple prose.
Quick editing checklist for emotional impact
Did I show rather than tell the emotion?
Did I vary sentence length to match intensity?
Is the dialogue believable, not theatrical?
Did I create space for silence and subtext?
Have I removed emotional labels in favour of emotional triggers?
Have I considered incorporating emotional echoes?
Tina Williams of Fiction Yogi is an editor who works with writers at all stages, giving them the tools to improve their manuscript and level up their writing so they can meet their publishing goals.